I desperate need of positivity!

I’ve had a few set backs regarding training these last few weeks. I’m starting a new chapter in my life with university and I’ve been taking part with inductions, enrolling and introductory lectures. As well as that I’ve had a bad flu which seemed to last for weeks and then really attacked me last week hard. The academy obviously frowns upon a student coughing and spluttering all over everyone training so it’s been BJJ YouTube videos for a while.
I went training today and we worked on half guard, I just couldn’t seem to get it which obviously played on how demotivated I was already. I managed to complete the manoeuvres but I struggled. We then went into positional sparring but I switched on my survival mode and sat there like a sitting duck. After switching so I was in top position, people who I’d easily dealt with in the past rolled me. I stood to the side and gathered my thoughts for a minute. My final spar was with a higher belt than I so I went all out. I sat into his half guard and quickly laid put my opponent driving my forearm into his jaw. Driving forward and posting I managed to remove my leg from his guard and transition to side control and grasp a strong scarf hold.
This has got me thinking; why am I so negative? Why do I lack motivation and give in very easily? And this isn’t in BJJ but all throughout my life. I’m starting a new chapter so I need to get my mind in gear. It’s something I need to work on and it’s obviously going to take time; this needs to be the first step!

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